I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
