What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
