I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
