I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No subtext here. People are naked.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
