Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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