why didn't you poke me back
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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