youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
