i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize