It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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