Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
