Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
