Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.

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(813): View more from Florida

I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???

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(647): View more from Ontario

Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.

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(785): View more from Kansas

It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.

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(541): View more from Oregon

We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault

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(276): View more from Virginia

They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?

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(541): View more from Oregon

You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!

(503): View more from Oregon

... That's a shower caddy.

(541): View more from Oregon

I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.

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(702): View more from Nevada

You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.

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