I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
