Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
