I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize