Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
