I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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