Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
