I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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