I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
