Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
