Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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