I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
