I wish I could punch you in the face.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
