we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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