This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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