She is in my trunk
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
