My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
