my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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