Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just forgot I was standing up.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize