You made me cry and you don't even care
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
