Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your penis caused this!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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