She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
