My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
