it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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