I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
