You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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