that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
