Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize