I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
