we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
