dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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