I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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