where am i from again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
