i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
