highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
