Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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