just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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