Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
