I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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