who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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