i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
