If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize