His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
