he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
