Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
