I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
