Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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