i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
