You're earring is so big in my mouth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
