you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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