it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
