This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
