ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
