I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
