My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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