I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
