apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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