Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize