She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
