i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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