I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
