If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
