Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the day after is always just damage control
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
